Right, I've found a working minicom - kinda. . I have to use it in SuperUser, and I cannot save the configuration files. . . o.O
I bow my head to you, you seem to have been mostly right about the colour coding (And it IS a bloody Audiovox card, same shape, casing, aerial! . . etc. . .) of the LED, because now that I have ACTUALLY made minicom connect, it works. Just. I can dial a number and answer the call, but I can't make the headset socket work, and I can still not use it via the Zaurus Connect Menu, or Via the zeDialler.
(Although, strangely, unlike everyone else, who had to hack the IRDA file to make it connect, mine registers as a standard CF modem, creates a /dev/modem symlink, and allows the use of Modem connection profiles. Still doesnt get me anywhere though)