just some quick notes
the config files are in /etc/pcmcia
you need to check using "cardctl ident" whether the card has a matching role in the config files - ensure it's not suspended "cardctl resume X" (X is 0 or 1, the slot number).
the wlan-ng.opts file is the definition of the wifi access points, this is generated from invidual config files which are created by the qtopia app; you have to edit that file to enable WPA.
so, if you can ensure the card is recognised and resumed when inserted, the wifi icon should appear automatically.